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Archives for: November 2007

Split personality?

by wildliferescue @ Friday, Nov. 30, 2007 - 21:50:17

I find it hard to believe that I can be two different people dependent on my surroundings!

Work, I'm polite, quiet, efficient, conscientious etc etc - i think my colleagues think I have no personality because I just can't bring myself to let what I see as the real me out for fear of being misunderstood and offending people!!

Out of work, now that's a different story! Mad as a box of frogs!! First on a dancefloor (sober), chatty, flirty, confident which I'm planning on letting people see at the work do in 2 weeks...

What the hell is up with that!?

Oh I know - I've heard it called "being professional" - welcome to the civil service!


 
 

Good friend turned bad?

by wildliferescue @ Friday, Nov. 30, 2007 - 21:00:47

Gah it never fails to amaze me how people change when they get stressed! I talk, primarily on this occasion, about a colleague of mine. He's been a very good friend to me the last 6 months - always smiling, very quick to make sure your achievements are recognised and because of this, I trusted him very quickly and felt relaxed in his company.

Today, for the first time I can remember, he got stressed/in a bad mood. I could tell this from the moment he rang me. We were joking as normal but he wasn't finding my cheeky comments funny, whereas he'd usually be in stitches. The day went on, I did some website work and sent it to him for publishing (he's the web manager) and, because of a couple of mistakes that I forgot to rectify (new guidance hasn't really sunk into my brain yet), he went way over the top moaning that he'd already explained it to me earlier that day & I still wasn't listening. Hmm... so the rest of the afternoon was me emailing web requests, him doing them and no confirmation, no conversation, nothing... he even started an urgent job for me and left before completing it... What the hell!?

I was hoping I'd be able to catch him online tonight but no such luck so I guess I've got a whole weekend of confusion ahead. I have no idea what's rattled his cage or why he felt the need to take it out on me. I've been stressed several times since I've known him and I've never felt the need to take it out on him - he's always been my confidente, the person I turn to to eradicate my stress.

So I'm kinda a little bit hurt, i thought much higher of him; here's hoping I'll have a nice long apologetic email by Monday

Update for the Wildlife Rescuer Service

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 29, 2007 - 22:30:26

It's been one of those rare weeks - I've actually been productive - go me!! A very slow start in work meant I had plenty of time on my hands which got me thinking - how the hell am I going to raise enough money to run this service - don't get me wrong, I earn good money & as of tomorrow, I'm getting a £1500 pay rise, but I always seem to end up in the red!!

I mentioned a while back about organising a gig to raise money. It was a vague idea, I wasn't sure if I was going to go with it.. but I've actually now sat back and thought this through!

I'm going to use this gig to raise enough money to launch the service - to buy the more expensive equipment and hopefully still have some money left over in the kitty for the initial vets bills (hopefully regular smaller fundraisers & my own donations will keep the kitty healthy)

I've had one band who, dependent on their schedule, have given a definite yes - that's Seven Year Kismet, a fab sexy thrashcore band from the south of England. I've had a "maybe" from one other band and am trying to find one or two others. I'm also looking to get a kind rock dj to entertain my audience after the bands have done their bits - if you fit the bill, gimme a shout!! I'm very open-minded about what bands play, so long as they're playing rock genre music (can't stand that chav tripe) whether it be metal, punk, grunge, indie - so long as you can get an audience on their feet!!!

I've decided to hold the gig on a Friday and hopefully in Cardiff city centre (however I know of a good venue nearby who are very cheap should I be unable to get anywhere in Cardiff). My good friend Robin is helping loads with promotion ideas which I'm super grateful for - I'm gonna make a merchandise plan soon which I'll blog for you lot - so exciting! I've played several gigs for other people, but never booked my own - the fact it's for a good cause makes things 10000 times more worthwhile!

Would love if you could be there xxx

Death

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 29, 2007 - 22:04:43

This morning was one of the weirdest of my lives.

Background - there's this girl who lives in my street called Natalie. She's, in my opinion, your average 21 year old - slim, pretty, cocky, tarty. We went to school together and our mum's used to be good friends. We didn't get on. In fact, she was really mean to me, but our mum's thought as they were friends that we should be too. I remember many a time coming home in tears only for my mum to insist we go to their house to sort things out - this happened on a weekly basis for many years.

13 years ago, Natalie's dad had an accident at the local colliery where he worked; he was in a place he shouldn't have been and got crushed by machinery. He was lucky to survive. Mum instantly did everything she could to help Natalie's mum cope - she'd take her 5 kids to school, she'd be a shoulder to cry on, she'd do shopping for her, she'd lend them money... until the day came that Mum found out this woman had been slagging her off to all her other mates. End of their friendship, end of our forced friendship.

Earlier this year, Natalie was pregnant, lost the baby and almost died in the process. Although my mum felt terrible for her, I didn't feel anything - I wasn't glad, I wasn't sympathetic. However, I found out today that her father died this morning. He was lucky to live as long as he did but even so, it must have been awful for her. But again, I felt nothing. My mum was torn up, remembering the past.

Am I a bad person for being so cold? I wouldn't wish the year she's had on my worst enemy but I don't feel sympathetic; hell I don't feel any compassion for her at all. It's a very strange feeling to know you should feel something that you don't...

Impressions

by wildliferescue @ Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2007 - 22:45:51

I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who will stand up and say when I want to make a good impression, I will do anything to ensure that it happens. You go for a job interview, you wear a suit. You go clubbing, you dress in clothes that make you feel good and confident. You meet your other half's parents, you act like the sweetest kindest person on the planet.

When I met my fella, it was lust at first sight - when he walked into the room I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. He has a "presence", shall we say. We were part of a team helping young people in a deprived area get into employment. Part of this was going away to the middle of nowhere for a week to do team building activities. It was February, there was snow everywhere and the temperatures were bordering freezing. Our very first task was rock climbing. I've never done it before, I get shy in front of crowds and here I was queueing up to climb this wall in front of 20 strangers (including this seriously hot guy).

The start wasn't smooth - I had to remove my belt because the ornate buckle (a diamante encrusted eagle) was too big) and I had to stand and look at the wall for some time to form a strategy in my head. I was given a boost onto the first grip (yep, I was too short to reach) and off I went. Before long, my fingers went numb due to the cold and my legs turned to jelly. Grip was impossible; I could hear the group shouting encouragement which made me feel very embarrassed, but I wasn't going to give up - this was my chance to prove myself.. to prove I had determination, to prove I could do this outdoorsy malarky and hey, my ass may have looked good from that angle!!

Upon reaching the top, I had to grab a rope loop above me to pull myself onto a ledge. Easier said than done. This rope wasn't in easy reach; hell, it wasn't in reach at all - I'd have to jump for it! I'm not scared of heights, I had a harness on, but the thought of jumping, missing and looking like a plank, let's just say I wasn't keen, but the alternative was to admit failure and abseil down - was never gonna happen! I took a deep breath and pushed myself up with all of my strength - my fingertips grabbed it but I was unable to hold my strength; I hit the wall quite hard - DAMMIT! Never one to give up I quickly found the grips and tried again. I physically jumped off the grip and managed to grab onto the rope with one hand - I was hanging several feet above the ground!! I managed to grab the ledge with the other hand and get my feet back onto a new set of grips and pull myself up far enough to be able to climb onto the ledge - result!! I looked down, he winked approvingly and I grinned - my hands were red, my legs were shaking but I did it!! I had to connect my harness to a zip wire to get down - several people had been scared of jumping off a ledge and needed encouragement but I was past caring and this was an easy end to a very hard climb!!

I had to endure so much through that week; I refused to give up on anything to prove to myself I could do it & to prove to this fella that I was a kick ass chick - canoeing (despite my phobia of deep water), more rock climbing, abseiling (which is super fun!), caving (absolutely amazing experience) & mountaineering up some pretty serious mountains!!!

We spent most of the week together - we laughed and joked and it was soon very obvious we had chemistry - the rest of the group picked up on it and we had the mandatory teasing - I didn't care, i was more than happy to be affiliated with this guy! We finally got together after the leaving party some 2 months later. The rest, as they say, is history - GO ME!!

Has anybody else ever had a memorable "first impression experience"?

Body Type

by wildliferescue @ Monday, Nov. 26, 2007 - 15:01:45

TRINNY & SUSANNAH HAVE GOT ME OBSESSED!

I'm not a girly girl - when I get dressed, I don't think "is this fashionable" or "does it suit my body shape" - I wear what I like - full stop. I like dresses over trousers, I like corsets, I like big belts, I like showing off my assets. Then I watched Trinny & Susannah's new tv show...

I spent the entire weekend, surrounded by thousands of people, analysing each woman as they walked past - is she an hour glass? Is she an apple? Is she a brick? What's the difference between a skittle and a pear? I worked out that brick and pear are the two most common body shapes - most women were bottom heavy or had very little shape at all. Hour glasses seem to be in the minority!

So, ashamed as I am to admit it, I've spent this morning in front of my full-length mirror in bra and short shorts (so unattractive) trying to decide my body shape - I'm torn between 2 -

I have big boobs and big hips - I go in at the waist - so I'm either an hour glass or a cello - they made a big point of saying hour glass figures have a tiny waist & I don't think I do however they also said cello's have a belly and I'm not sure mine's big enough to warrant being a cello...

So I'm going to proudly stick with hourglass!!

I wish I could say this obsession will wear off soon but as I'm having the "body bible" for Christmas, it can only get worse....

Incidentally, male readers, what are your favourite body types? They are as follows (but if it makes it easier for you, just describe a shape!)

Bell (big bottoms, body gradually flaring out)
Apple (round)
Pear (bottom heavy)
Skittle (much the same as a pear but I think they're slimmer??)
Hour Glass (Balanced on top & bottom with small waist)
Cello (same as hour glass but with bigger tummy)
Pillar (straight slim body - bit boy-ish, athletic etc)
Vase (Bigger on top)
Brick (straight body - no curves)

Lost Love

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 22, 2007 - 22:23:15

Y'kno when you find something accidentally, can't help but look then instantly regret it? Yep, that's just happened to me!

I was bored, I typed random names of people I used to know into the Myspace search engine and yep, I came across my most recent ex - the love of my life, the longest relationship I've ever had. So I sit and look at his name in the search results thinking to myself whether I should open it. I felt butterflies in my stomach, despite the fact I moved on a long time ago to a new relationship, the thought of him being with someone else still made me edgey... so I clicked it - what's the point of wondering?

The worst was confirmed - the very first line on his "about me" - "I love my babe Jessie" - heart ripped out, stamped on, flood of emotions ranging from jealousy to anger to sorrow to love, i guess...

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy in my current relationship - Damian is everything Jam wasn't, but he was my first (possibly only - don't get me started) true love and it's knocked me sideways a bit, I wasn't expecting to feel so much.

On the plus side, she's not that attractive - she's not ugly, but she's not attractive. Ok I'm biased, but she seems a bit weird, her myspace page name being "I <3 Jam" - bit obsessive.

So here I am... 21:19, sat alone in front of the computer in a dark room crying my heart out.

Why?

I have no idea

Update

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 22, 2007 - 20:36:52

Firstly, yay! My boyfriend actually agreed to the tipi weekend without any form of nagging/convincing!! "DO you want to spend a weekend in a tipi with me by the sea?"
"Ye ok sounds fun"

Rock on!!

I went to the RSPCA's reception for the Better Bet for Greyhounds report yesterday in the Senedd (the National Assembly for Wales' debating building). It was interesting - greyhounds have it very tough, particularly after their racing days are over. It was great to see the Minister for Rural Affairs, Elin Jones AM making a commitment to help greyhounds.

Oh & talking of the RSPCA, I had my application pack through yesterday for an Inspector post - I have to return it by mid-December then if I don't hear anything by 8th Feb I wasn't successful - fingers crossed!! I've got nothing to lose - I've only been in my current job 9 months, but I feel I could do so much more if I was on the front line, so to speak, instead of being restricted by politics.

Hope everyone's having a pleasant thanksgiving day!!

Logo Design

by wildliferescue @ Tuesday, Nov. 20, 2007 - 19:59:17

Hey - give me an hour with nothing to do & what do you get - not only a name for the service, but a logo too!

I know previously I was taken by "Faith Wildlife Rescue" but as a friend of mine pointed out, this does have religious connotations and, being completely anti-religion, this dissuaded me somewhat - so I thought, why do I need a fancy name? Why isn't it just the basic, core element of what I want to do &, coincidentally, the name I've coined from the outset - "The Wildlife Rescuer" - ok, so it sounds a bit superhero/western/filmstar but that's not a bad thing! My goal is to rescue needy wildlife & take it to a place where it can be looked after before hopefully being released!

So I unveil to you the first draft logo for the service... TA DA!

                                  Wildlife Rescuer Logo
What do you think? My computer graphic skills are pretty pathetic but this is the core of what I want it to look like!! Obviously the colours may change dependent on what its printed on, but that's it!! 

I've got 20 weeks left until I start my college course - the fee has been taken, it's definitely going ahead! I am SOOO excited!

Now all I need is money...

Update on the money front - my big money fundraising idea is to hold a rock gig in Cardiff with a few unsigned bands in May 2008, just before I qualify/service comes into action - now, I've used my Myspace contacts to the max here & so far I've had interest shown from Seven Year Kismet (South-East England) and The Jan Watkins Band (Cardiff) - check them out on Myspace - they couldn't be any different! SYK are thrashmetal, TJW Band are soft rock - both are fab!!

I would love it if all my readers were able to attend - show your support guys!!

All the best xxxx

Ilam Hall

by wildliferescue @ Tuesday, Nov. 20, 2007 - 17:40:30

Ilam Hall

January 2006 – 3 months after Caldicot Castle, I was ready to do another investigation. All of the questions that the last event had churned up were still in my head and I was determined to find the answers. Despite Derbyshire being a minimum of a 4-hour drive away from home and the event requiring us to be awake all night, I was attracted by the advert: “Victorian Investigation at the Gothic Mansion”. As I read down, it told how the team would be conducting a special investigation – no machines would be used, methods would vary from red-light transition to scrying to glass-tipping. There would also be 2 mediums showing different methods of clairvoyance as well as a paranormal investigator who described himself as “sensitive”. I crossed my fingers that Ian would be one of these mediums. Although I have no proof that he is genuine, he seems to approach everything logically and his website (www.aura-artz.co.uk) lists reports of every investigation he attends. Dad agreed to accompany me and we were soon booked to attend.

The day soon arrived and we journeyed to Derbyshire. Dad mentioned a number of times on the journey that he had a bad feeling about this place; he couldn’t put his finger on why, but he couldn’t shake his anxiety.

It was a very cold night; there was a thick covering of frost on the ground. The house was in the middle of a big valley; even in the dark it was breathtaking. There were turrets along the edge of the roof and a huge arch before the main entrance. Inside, the group were tucking into a buffet – we were the last to arrive! Jeff, the paranormal investigator, came outside to welcome us. He was a slim scruffy man I’d guess to be in his early thirties. He had a warm, friendly smile which I found very appealing. He ushered us into the warm hall and told us to get stuck into the buffet (we didn’t need telling twice!) We hadn’t long sat down when a hand rested on Dad’s shoulder – I looked up to see Ian stood behind him grinning. “Hello! It’s lovely to see you again!” I couldn’t stop smiling, this night was great! A nice leader, a medium I trusted - I couldn’t wait for the night to begin!!

Our first stop was in what looked to be another hall – it had a low stage at the front, there were rows of chairs facing forward and toys were stored at the back of the stage. The walls were adorned with Christmas decorations. Jeff soon introduced himself to the group – he would be the leader tonight; he described himself as a Pagan who is “sensitive”. He said he was able to see ghosts/spirits through a process called “scrying” (the dictionary describes the ability to “scry” as “To see or predict the future by means of a crystal ball”, however Jeff used what looked like a clay bowl). He then moved on to talking us through what would be happening that night – he hadn’t long started when we were aware of the smell of burning! A quick investigation revealed that one of the wall-lights had caught fire, presumably because of the tinsel decorations – a quick bit of fire extinguisher action put an end to that! However, it wasn’t long before another wall light followed suit! A number of people commented that this was odd – Christmas had come and gone so presumably these decorations had been there for some time – why were they only becoming a fire hazard tonight? I overheard a couple of people whispering to each other that they thought they could see a shadowy figure moving in and out of the dark on the stage – I was bursting with excitement and anxiety and impatience – I wanted to get going!!

Before the investigation would start, we were told we would be having a demonstration by the two mediums – Ian, who describes himself as a spiritualist medium and a psychic artist, and his associate Kay Phipps, a meek-looking lady I would guess to be in her fifties, who described herself as a spiritualist medium specialising in trance. I don’t recall the order in which they demonstrated their skills, but I’ll start with Kay.

I was uncertain about her “gift”. She didn’t look like the sort of lady who could stand in front of an audience and put on a show but the idea of being able to channel a spirit force and allowing it “use” your body, I found this a bit farfetched. She drank copious amounts of water before sitting down and closing her eyes. Her head drooped as she entered a trance state - she looked like she’d fallen asleep!! Ian explained that the process would use up a lot of energy and plasma-something-or-others & as such, she needed to ensure she was properly hydrated.

Kay connected with three spirits during the demonstration – a Geordie man (the change in her voice from meek, well spoken middle-aged lady to Geordie man was quite incredible) and a middle eastern man (Ian explained that this was her “spirit guide”, who she channelled most frequently) – when asked how he could speak English if he was Arabic, it was explained that the spirit would use the language of the host (convenient?). It was during the connection with this spirit that questions were taken – the most interesting being about time – he explained that time was not important “on the other side” – it wasn’t tracked. Somebody also asked what it’s like – he explained that when he died his loved ones were on the other side to greet him. As in life, you have to work your way up through different levels dependent on how you lived your life and how you treat others in this new… “life”. I couldn’t quite grasp this concept and found it difficult to imagine. Again, I was becoming dubious of the authenticity of her skill. Kay refused to channel the third spirit, claiming it was too powerful and as such, she did not feel she’d be able to keep adequate control over the situation. She explained it was a man who would have been resident in Ilam at some point. I found her refusal odd and slightly unsettling – was she a good actress trying to unnerve the audience or did she truly channel these spirits?

Ian’s turn next. His approach was much like that of Colin Fry and John Edwards – he picked a member of the audience and told them what spirit he could see “attached” (for want of a better word) to them. He started with a lady in the opposite aisle, but despite his detailed description, she was unable to identify who the spirit may be.

This, in my opinion, was the one and only time Ian would be able to truly prove himself to me. Although he knew me from previous investigations, he knew nothing of my family and friends who had passed over. He looked in my direction: “the lady in the red top”. Both myself and the lady sat next to me were wearing red. I kept direct eye contact with Ian and he soon confirmed it was me he was talking about. My heart started racing. Ian started describing the spirit – an elderly lady who he felt would have been strict but fair. This, bloggers, is a good example of when not to jump to conclusions! Early indications would suggest that this was my grandmother, who had passed away some 5 years previously. “I feel this lady died from a heart attack” … my nan died from cancer, there was no way these could be linked. My Dad still looked very interested although he could not pinpoint this person. Ian’s next comment made my blood run cold. He asked whether Dad’s mother was still on this side. I confirmed. He said “I’m being told she’s awaiting results for an illness – I suggest, if you haven’t done so already, that you make sure everything is okay” – I was not aware of Nan being ill so I immediately was concerned. Dad gave her a quick ring after the demonstration and although she was awaiting test results, they were not for anything remotely life-threatening – I was so relieved and fascinated – how could Ian have known this!! Dad also asked if she had any idea who the lady could be – she thought it may be an aunt of hers, however she could not be certain. Very interesting!!

The next part of the investigation was a walk around Ilam Hall. I can’t really say it was remarkable – each room was filled with bunk beds and thin curtains hung at the windows. Ian picked up that the hall used to be a military hospital during the first world war. He could sense the pain of the soldiers. In one room, he told us of the ghost of a man who was screaming profanities and was quite obviously in a lot of pain. One lady in the group became very light-headed and nearly fainted on the stairway. There were only two rooms I felt extremely uncomfortable in - the cellar and the ladies toilets (this may be more to do with answering the call of nature potentially surrounded by ghosts/spirits!!). The ladies toilets, remarkably, was one of our destinations during the tour – Ian felt drawn to it but as soon as he stepped inside he almost bowled some members of the group over trying to get back out – he said inside was the spirit of a woman, a nurse maybe, who had a wheelchair that she had thrown at him! I have never seen Ian unnerved like that before!!

After a quick break, we were split into small groups. In my group there was myself, Dad, a lad around the same age as me (I was 19 at the time), his mother and two girls, again around my age. We were led by Jeff. We first investigated a number of the bedrooms to see if we could pick up on anything. This was very disappointing, however one of the girls did seem to pick up something using a dowsing crystal. Although I wasn’t feeling too nervous, the girls were afraid to enter most of the rooms. However, as an experiment, I stayed on my own in one room and didn’t last more than 2 minutes – the atmosphere was heavy, I felt like I was being watched, I also saw a curtain move, as if in the wind, despite the windows being tightly shut with no draught entering the room. We went on next to the cellar.

We sat down here in silence. Nothing much happening. Jeff said he could see the spirit of a man, who looked like he may have worked down here – a butler or a servant, perhaps. He could see us and thought we were trying to play a joke on him as he looked quite uncertain and bemused. Every now and then we could hear a sound similar to that you make if you purse your lips and blow, as if you were about to play a trumpet – we were unsure whether this may be from the pipes/central heating, but none of the other groups heard this sound! I was very glad to get out of there!!!

Our next stop was a classroom. In the middle there was a table with a glass in the centre. Here we bid goodbye to Jeff and instead were joined by another medium called Pedro, who, with his ultraviolet torch, was providing the only light in the room. He told us he was picking up a spirit man; a very angry man who didn’t like women – he was circling the table. Every now and then group members were reporting feeling cold then warm almost straightaway. My reaction to this room was agitation. Soon, Pedro gathered us all to try glass tipping. Only one group member didn’t get involved, she instead stood back and recorded the experiment. We kept still, with our fingers on the glass for a long time with no reaction. Pedro suggested we try speaking to the spirit man to encourage him to use our energy to move the glass. “Are you here? We mean you no harm” – that sort of drivvle ensued for a further 2-3 minutes. My agitation was growing until I couldn’t take it any longer: “For f***s sake, what the hell are you playing at!?” Within 10-20 seconds, the glass started moving, slowly at first, then very erratically – my finger could not keep up with the glass and several times, as with other members of the team, I was unable to reach the other end of the table. I was worried that the glass would be thrown off the end of the table but after 30 seconds or so, the glass came to a halt. I wish I could get hold of the recording the lady made – there was absolutely no way anybody could have faked that experiment! I was speechless, completely taken aback! Every ounce of scepticism left my body. For a few minutes afterwards I was a gibbering wreck “Did you see that? Can you believe-! How did that-!?” I couldn’t even form a sentence!! Group members suggested that I had annoyed the man, hence why he reacted. Pedro reminded us that the man was still in the room; a few minutes later it became a lot darker. A few members of the group tried an automatic writing experiment (this is where you hold a pen onto paper, clear your mind, and let the spirit control your hand. I’ve only seen this done once, on an event after this one, I found it fascinating, however Ian had doubts about the authenticity of the experiment). However, with no luck and the atmosphere growing more and more tense, we opted to join the other groups back in the hall where we had the demonstrations at the beginning of the night.

Plenty of people were talking about how they had picked up on the spirits/ghosts of medical staff, injured soldiers etc etc – one group even claimed to have heard horses and a carriage on the gravel outside the house, but no other group had had any luck with the glass tipping.

My logical explanation for the glass moving is perhaps somehow there was a release of energy from us all that resulted in the glass moving – this is nowhere near a good argument and may not even slightly make sense but how else do you explain a glass throwing itself furiously from one end of a table to the other?? I’ve heard of people getting information from these exercises, such as when used with a Ouija board, but there was no sense to the movement of the glass hence why I don’t believe it was staged.

Now, the piece de resistance – the red light séance – Jeff explained that spirits were more visible in red light and could use it to form a “mask” when channelling – farfetched? Read on!

Bear in mind, it was 5am and we were all tired – maybe our eyes played tricks on us, maybe we were the victims of some good actors, but I find this incredible:

The seats that had earlier been in neat rows facing the stage had been placed in a large circle. On the back wall was a lamp with a red bulb. The whole room looked very eerie. Several people refused to get involved in the séance, saying they had a bad feeling about it. I was more than keen to get involved so settled between my dad and Duncan, the guy who had been part of my team, and grabbed their hands to form a chain. Silence fell as the group concentrated on channelling energy – we were told to think about following a circle clockwise – this would channel our energy around the group. Pretty soon Jeff said “it’s ok, relax, let it happen” – ‘odd’, I thought, so I followed his gaze to a large woman sat approximately 5 people to my left, a sort of 9 o clock to my 6 o clock, if that makes sense! As I watched her, she seemed to physically change! Before long, group members were gasping and saying “A girl! She looks like a young girl!” Several people were describing what they could see, all of which I agreed with! Whether this was a trick of the light or reality is questionable but it was truly fascinating. Jeff tried talking to the spirit that was masking the lady’s body but it soon withdrew its energy. The woman hunched over slowly and her breathing became heavy and raspy. She seemed to be changing into an old, sick man in front of my eyes. I’m glad I noticed this before people started saying what they could see as this went a small way to convince me that what I was seeing was real. Jeff asked the spirit to identify itself. “Harold” the lady said in a deep breathless voice. She repeated “Harold” a couple more times before taking in a large breath then returning to normal. She didn’t seem able to recollect what had just happened but seemed quite unnerved by what people were telling her – when offered the opportunity to change seats with a middle-aged gentleman on the other side of the hall, she took it!

We continued to concentrate on channelling – a couple of times I felt the temperature change and was sure I could see moving shadows at the back of the room. Although slightly anxious, I wanted more proof that this was real!! Suddenly I could hear heavy breathing coming from my left – the man who had swapped with the large woman looked like he was asleep, his chin was resting on his chest. Suddenly he started to hunch over and his breathing became quicker. He had a very tight grip on the hands of the two people next to him, who looked slightly concerned. My anxiety grew as Jeff left the circle to attend to the man. The man’s wife started calling his name in a very worried tone. Jeff tried to “reach” the man, explaining that this was a powerful spirit that, as somebody with no experience, he had no chance of controlling! The man then started shouting loudly. I, at this point, was ready to leg it! Jeff explained that if the circle and therefore the channel of energy was broken, this could have bad consequences so I stayed. The shouting got louder; I thought he was shouting “Aaah” but later, others thought it was “Ilam”, the name of the hall, although my Dad got concerned that he thought it was his name (Ryland) being shouted. The shouting every now and then broke down into sobs, but each shout after got louder and stronger. I was very scared, gripping my father and Duncan’s hands very, very tightly. Suddenly, the man rose to his feet and tried to walk forward into the middle of the circle. Tears were streaming down my face – I have never been so scared in my life!! Jeff continued calling the man’s name and the people holding his hands, although looking very scared, did not let go. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the man seemed to go lifeless; he was helped back to his seat, where he rubbed his throat, shook his head and looked at the group, bemused. When told what had just happened, he told us that he did not remember a thing. We decided not to try channelling anymore and left Ilam Hall.

Even sat outside in the car, I was still shaking. If that was real, and I have no reason to believe otherwise, it brought a whole set of new questions to my mind!! Were they just tricks of the light? Was the man & his so-called wife just good actors? I do wonder whether it was set up; after all, Jeff noticed them before anyone else, however he’s been investigating a long time & I guess he’d know the signs…

Even today, thinking about Ilam, I get a chill up my spine. Fright Nights are organising another visit there in January and as much as I would love to attend to convince myself that it wasn’t an act, that they won’t do the same thing again, I can’t bring myself to visit that horrible place again. The atmosphere was scary, the experiences were scary & it took me a long time before I was ready to do another hunt. I’ve only done one since, which although not scary, gave me a lot of food for thought. I’ve got an investigation planned for January in Newport so I can only hope I get good results from that too!!

Anyone thinking of visiting Ilam? Good luck, you’ll need it!!

Love Tipi

by wildliferescue @ Monday, Nov. 19, 2007 - 21:38:50

How do you persuade an antisocial git that a night in a tipi in the middle of nowhere in winter is a good idea?

The plan - To spend new year's eve with my boyfriend in a tipi Nordic style - camp fire crackling away, reindeer skin for warmth (taken from animals eaten for meat in Norway by the bushcraft people - as I don't disagree with eating meat, I certainly don't disagree with making the most of what's left - why waste it? We all wear leather shoes, don't we?) and chilled champagne - no sound other than the sea in the distance, the wood in the fire crackling and the fireworks as midnight strikes... perfect! Price - not cheap at £200, but it'll be an experience that I will never forget. Sod your fancy hotels, I want something memorable!!

Now, how to persuade him... he's done a lot of camping in his time & is quite the outdoorsy type - he can get up a rock face quicker than spiderman and he knows all the bushcraft techniques that I learnt on Thursday. But we've never had total "us" time (that being without any distractions such as tv or other people)

Any ideas how I can persuade him from the more romantically-inclined out there?

The moment that convinced me to actively promote animal welfare

by wildliferescue @ Sunday, Nov. 18, 2007 - 21:37:39

I don't think there are many people who can pinpoint a precise moment when something clicks into place in their head. Although I have always had a love for animals, there was one specific event that made me determined to help them and to stop cruelty. Obviously I'll be establishing the rescue service, but my long-term ambition is to join the RSPCA as an inspector. I have applied for the next big recruitment so hopefully that'll go my way... I can't stand the politics in my current job, I'd rather be out there making a difference... Anyway, I'm digressing!

The event in question didn't actually take place in the UK, I was on holiday with my family in Tenerife. I must've only been in my early teens, if that. We were walking through Los Cristianos, which is a big tourist destination in the South when I see this crowd of people laughing & "awwing" - curiosity got the better of me and I went over to have a look what was so funny - there, at the side of the street, lay a dog - a beautiful orangey brown bull terrier. Next to the bull terrier was a hat where tourists had been throwing money. Why, you may be asking yourself - the dog was dressed in a flowery shirt, baseball cap and sunglasses, and had a cigarette in its mouth. It didn't move. It lay there with its head up like a statue. I can only imagine the pain that dog would have endured to be trained to stay in that position in the blistering sun without any water or food. I don't know whether the dog belonged to a native of Tenerife, or one of the immigrants from western Africa.

I remember being so furious that tears were running down my face. I'd never owned a dog at this point in my life and my only experience of them had been negative but all I wanted to do was go to the dog and help it. I started striding forward, no plan in my head. I wanted to kick the stupid hat with the stupid money all over the street and to take the dog away from its hell... my mum grabbed my shoulder & convinced me to stop... she was concerned that the dog may become aggressive, but she was also convinced that whoever owned the dog would be close by, keeping an eye on it to ensure it didn't move or that the money wasn't stolen. If I went near it, we could all get hurt. I looked around; I could only guess a couple of young African men sat on the opposite side of the street were responsible for this poor dog's hell. People were still pointing and laughing at the dog, but some had also noticed me and were beginning to think about how and why this dog was going against its natural instincts and left shaking their heads in disgust. Mum and Dad were literally having to pull me away, I couldn't bear to leave it there. Several times I turned and started marching back towards the dog, again with no plan but anything had to be better than leaving it there... right? 

Unfortunately I never saw the dog again. It wasn't there the following day when we went to the town again. Maybe the owner had moved it to a different spot, maybe we were too early or too late... I will never forgive myself for not helping that dog. There's nothing I, or any other tourist could have done, but it breaks my heart to think of what it had had to endure... so the owner(s) could make a few measley pesetas... 

Just remember guys, if you see anything similar, this is obviously not natural; for a dog to be too afraid to move... it's absolutely horrific... so long as I've got the image of that dog in my head, I will never ever stop fighting for animals' welfare  

Celeb Identification

by wildliferescue @ Saturday, Nov. 17, 2007 - 17:24:14

As some of you may know, I'm a partner in a business selling celebrity autographs and as such, have met a fair few celebs ranging from the rock band Logan to William Shatner, Elijah Wood, Ursula Andress etc etc. Anywho, I wondered if anyone could identify the 2 celebs I'm standing with below - the only reason I'm running this little test is because the one on the left looks so unlike his character! If you don't know his real name, his character name will do! The one on the right, well, I can't even remember his real name or his character name so any help appreciated haha!

Good luck!!

Me & ??

Size 14

by wildliferescue @ Friday, Nov. 16, 2007 - 23:58:24

You'll have to pardon the fact I have a very bad memory & can't remember where I read this... I just recall seeing "Average UK Woman Size 14 - UK Nation of Fatties" - this wound me up soooo much! I am 5'3 and a size 14. I don't consider myself slim, I don't consider myself fat - I consider myself curvy, I'm a "real" woman. I have parts of my body I hate and other parts I wouldn't swap for the world - same as every other person in the world.

It annoys the hell out of me that anything bigger than a size 10 is considered fat by some people! It annoys me even more that when somebody is considered fat that they're no longer considered attractive!! Yes, I sometimes look back at my photos when I was a size 12 & wish I was there again but I have no problem with how I look now! I'm fit, healthy and best of all, I don't live the constant nightmare of some people in so much as I don't diet, I don't calorie count and it's very rare I step foot into a gym. I don't want to be a stick, I like having hips and breasts and a bum!

Last night on I'm a Celebrity Lynne was doing the 5 dances of something or other - anyway, the first was all magical and wavy and airy which I presume, if done properly, would've looked beautiful, yet they all laughed at her - I just wondered if say, Gemma Atkinson had done this, as badly, whether she would have had the same treatment. Lynne was slated for wearing a low-cut vest yet the website was splattered with photos of Gemma having a wash in a bikini - I have nothing against Gemma Atkinson, she seems to be a really nice person & I note she's half Lynne's age but I think it's unfair that Lynne was treated this way (I, for the record, dislike Lynne - I think she's a proper trout but I feel she was being treated badly).

So please, Britons, size 14 is not fat - I would go so far as to say a 16 isn't fat - it's how you hold yourself that counts! My friend is 5'9 and her dress size changes like the weather - when she was a 10 she looked ill, when she was a 16 she looked great - she seems to have settled on 12/14 now and she looks better than ever!!

Instead of judging people by their dress size, judge them by the person within!

Huge Decision

by wildliferescue @ Friday, Nov. 16, 2007 - 18:37:13

Gah I hate decisions, I'm so rubbish at um!!

The decision - Alice Cooper, Motorhead and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts are gigging in Cardiff tonight. Rumour has it that they'll be attending a very small rather unknown club... I so wanna go! They're legends... however...

1. I have no-one to go with - my best mate has just been diagnosed with glaucoma - I'm crushed for her, despite the fact she's putting on a brave face & I feel bad going without her...

2. It'd ruin my Alice Cooper dream which goes like this:

Alice is sat in the club drinking soft drinks (ex-alcoholic don't ya know) with his posse doing their rock legend things... he looks over to the dancefloor and sees me rockin' out to one of his greatest hits *cue spotlight* - the rest of the club are either old or ugly (i don't care which) so they fade into the background, i stand out... Alice is impressed that someone so young knows his music so well so he decides to join me on the dancefloor to rock out, he buys me a (soft) drink (gotta respect his decision!), we chat, we exchange numbers, we set a date to socialise with other such legends - it's all peachy!

Yes, I've thought about it a lot & yes I acknowledge the fact I have no life & yes I'm more than aware that there's more chance of hell freezing over haha!! Don't rain on my parade!!

So if things didn't go as planned, which let's face it, they wouldn't.. my dream would be crushed, my life would be over... so I'm contemplating staying home :-( Anyway, my good friend Robin is a scriptwriter and wants Alice in one of his movies so we can always meet in Hollywood ;)

Possible Ban on Electric Shock Collars

by wildliferescue @ Friday, Nov. 16, 2007 - 18:09:10

For anyone who's interested... the following news story is one of the consultations I'm currently managing...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/1/hi/wales/7094988.stm

I obviously have my own views on this but have to be neutral on it, for the sake of my job... would leave to read your comments however

Beagle Fans

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 15, 2007 - 23:28:11

For those who expressed an interest in seeing photos of my 2 gorgeous beagles, here they are!!

Logan & Tehya
This is Logan and Tehya in August 2007

Tehya
This is Tehya earlier this month

Logan
This is gorgeous Logan

Hope you like it!!

Memories

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 15, 2007 - 20:16:53

Have you ever experienced something that has brought up a memory you'd locked away a long time ago? Whether it be a smell, a place, a sound.... this very thing happened to me today.
I had no intention of sharing the following, it's something that I've lived with for the past 5 years of my life and have only told one person, my ex, who couldn't get over it. He was more upset than I ever have been about it.

Today, on my way to Cwmcarn Forest, I drove through a place called Maesycwmmer, in Gwent. I used to travel through here a lot when I was 16. I haven't been there since... which is why it brought up these memories today and now I've stopped long enough to let my mind flow, it's something I feel I need to write down to work it out....

I had my first real boyfriend when I was 16. I'd had boyfriends before; the sort you hang out with in the playground, hold hands, kiss and that's about it (i was an innocent child). This fella's name was Danny. He was 24 and from London. He was a coach driver and we met one day in Cardiff and decided to stay in touch. I was flattered that somebody 8 years older than me was interested and my mates were so jealous - Danny was strange though; he was a loner, he was cagey about his past but not having any boyfriend to compare him to, I took it as the norm. The beginning was fine, we got on great, he was my first... then he disappeared for a month, back to London. When he came back he was a completely different guy.

He didn't have any money - I worked a part-time job as well as studying for my AS Levels and he was living off my money - I only earned £500 in the 3 months I was in this job and he had pretty much every penny. He lived in a caravan in Oakdale, which is just past Maesycwmmer. When he finally got a job, he worked for my local bus company so every day after work he'd pick me up and we'd go back to his caravan in the middle of nowhere. We'd do stuff, I'd go home. Every day. Sometimes I'd ask him not to, because I was sensitive or wrong time of the month or just because I wasn't in the mood, but he'd do it anyway; he said struggling was "like foreplay".

This continued for 4 months. We'd argue a lot. Once we were in his car and he'd pulled over so we could talk. He thought I was having an affair because I had a close male friend at this time called Ian. Danny put his arm around my neck to stop me getting out of the car and to look for my mobile phone so he could read my text messages. Despite my screaming to him to get off me because I couldn't breathe, he refused. When I did manage to get him off, he said he had chest pains - I'm pretty sure this was a lie but being 16 and naive, it upset me so I stayed. He was aggressive quite often; if he didn't like something he'd give me a slap; nothing that'd leave a mark but it hurt all the same. Only once he bruised me badly and my Mum noticed... that was the beginning of the end. I told him I wanted to break up. He rang and texted constantly. One weekend me and 2 friends went shopping in Cardiff. He followed us around all day and even tried proposing to me in the middle of the city. By the time we got back to my place, he was already sat outside in his car. I'd had enough. My friends rushed inside and I stayed to talk to him... well, argue. Fortunately, my folks were home and they soon came out and told him to clear off.

A few times after this event he'd sit outside my house in his car. It took a couple of weeks before he got the message. I don't know where he is these days. The last I heard from him he said he had lung cancer and had moved back to London to be with his family - I don't know if this is true. When I was 17/18, after an A Level exam, I remember coming out of school to a text message from him asking how it had gone - as I hadn't contacted him in over a year, this freaked me out somewhat. I haven't, fortunately, heard anything since.

You may be thinking to yourself how awful... but it taught me a lot... i don't trust many people and I don't see that as a bad thing. I'll get into relationships but I won't get too attached unless I'm sure they'll treat me right & never ever again would I deal with that sort of abuse. It was only a 4-5 month period but it had a big impact. For a very very long time, well, until my ex, I didn't see sex as a good thing, I hated it, if i'm honest. I'd do it, but I didn't get anything out of it. It wasn't until I truly felt in love with my ex that it started to mean something and it's always felt right with my current fella. So y'kno what, it was a bad experience, but it wasn't the end of the world. I'm stronger for it, I'm not naive... I'm fine!

I guess all's left to say is women beware - if you come across Danny Cogan, give him a wide berth - a leopard can't always change its spots.

Rope out of Nettles

by wildliferescue @ Thursday, Nov. 15, 2007 - 19:31:56

What a weird couple of days!! This is seeming to happen on a regular basis for me now; either that or I'm retaining more information so I can regurgitate it onto my blog (how attractive was THAT mental image!!)

Wednesday - busy day in work as per, had a huge steamin' argument with the senior web manager, but with the support of my team I managed to get my point across successfully and a meeting is being organised for mid-December (us civil servants like our meetings!)

In the evening, I goes straight to my fella's - his brother moved in on the weekend prior to going to Australia in January. Me & his brother have a strange relationship - we don't dislike each other, but we don't particularly get on either - however, we did! We got on brilliantly and he was really polite and it was great, it's nice to have him around! We seemed to bond over our dislike for Anna Ryder Richardson (yep, I'm a huge fan of "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Outta Here") Things with my fella were weird however - the 2 nights running up to that night (& that night as well) I'd been having weird dreams about us - I can only remember one, which was Tuesday night - I wanted to speak to him & he kept being sarcastic and walking away. I'd follow him but could never catch up. He then crossed a busy road, in the middle of which was a strip of grass - on this grass, there were several huge stags. I was very wary of the stags but passed them because I was determined to speak to him. But he'd gone. I have a great faith in dreams and therefore was v worried about Wednesday night. It turned out on Wednesday night my fella had to send an email to his boss from his laptop. When he switched it on, the screensaver was a photo of him & his ex girlfriend!! Admittedly, he hadn't used it since we got together (there was enough dust covering it to prove that) but he made no effort to change it last night either. I have 2 points to make about this...
1) I wasn't angry, but I was miffed that he didn't change it - maybe this is a female overreaction thing, who knows!
2) I found it rather bizarre that his ex looked a hell of a lot like me (but uglier - what a confidence boost!) - to the extent, I had to look twice because I first thought it was me & couldn't remember having it taken! So I was a bit freaked... more freaked about that, in fact, than the photo still being on the laptop!!

I didn't mention this to him, I dealt with it the usual way - I went quiet, I thought it through & everytime he asked if I was ok, I'd nod, smile and keep looking at the tv. I finally came out of my "black hole" of thought and decided the following:
1) We needed to go somewhere or do something that would warrant photos being taken to replace it - he already has one of us at the Thunder gig on his mobile so that's fair enough!
2) I'm possibly the best of the 3 serious girlfriends he's had physically - the first was when he was 21, she was in her 30's - i'm only 21 now so I have  youth on my side. The second, the one on the laptop, looked to be bigger than me and less attractive so I score higher on the attractiveness level... So, I'm happy with that - they may have been better in bed, they may have had better personalities but at least I win on a couple of levels - I'd actually worried about this before; I'm not the sort of person who worries a lot about looks - I don't spend a fortune on make-up or moisturisers or that rubbish & I don't do diets (curvy's better anyway) but I did worry in case his ex's were better looking than me & he'd hold it against me.

Today... well I had my bushcraft day today! I get into the car at 9:30 this morning to see the outside gauge reading -1C... great(!) 40 minutes later I arrive at Cwmcarn forest - there's frost everywhere and my colleagues are all standing around shivering. We were soon driving along off-road tracks to the location of our bushcraft experience - the Rav dealt with this beautifully & even was complimented by one of my colleagues for its good looks! I was speechless when we reached the place - in front of me, in a "valley" surrounded by trees, was a huge tipi. In the middle of the tipi was a fire crackling away. Around the fire were wooden benches adorned with reindeer skins. In the background played traditional Norwegian music & the tutors, well, they were hot!!! - it was beautiful!!

Long story short, we learnt how to make rope out of nettles and willow; we made a whistle out of elderwood; we made a shelter; we learnt how to make a friction fire using 3 different methods & we did a 3-mile hike around the forest. Besides freezing to death, it was a great day!!! I do wish we'd had the opportunity to do the falconry exercise but I've taken the guy's details so hopefully can book this in the future when the Avian Influenza outbreak is over.

I'm now home and very tired so looking forward to a long hot shower soon!!

Oh, & my kid brother has his very first date tonight with a girl he's known since playschool so really excited for him... bless!!!

All the best guys xxx

What an AWFUL Day!!

by wildliferescue @ Tuesday, Nov. 13, 2007 - 19:54:16

I have had the day from HELL! I went to work this morning knowing I'd have a busy day - I sent out the consultation on the code of practice on the welfare of equines last week so responses were expected and of course, being website manager for my division, there was the work that would arise from the Avian Influenza outbreak in Norfolk.

I came in to 30 emails... most of which were for the website. With the help of my good friend Robin, we soon sorted this out. Then the phone starts ringing...

It's a guy from a dog training school in Swansea. He's received a consultation on electric shock collars and he wanted to tell me everything that was wrong with it. A consultation, incidentally, that shouldn't even have been sent out until Thurday; the printers had mucked up!! My colleague, who wrote the consultation, messed up the formatting so some of the questions couldn't be read. Nightmare! Here starts the blame game - my colleague is 2 grades higher than me and nearly triple my age so he feels the need to blame me despite the fact it had been checked by at least 3 other people before it came to me (I, incidentally only pdf'd it and sent it to the printers). As the day progressed, more phone calls flooded in about this consultation and my boss is still adamant it's my fault grrr he's an asshole.

& what's worse, the falconry display I've been so excited about has now been cancelled due to the Avian Influenza outbreak.

I swear it's a conspiracy....

However, on the plus side, my tickets arrived for the Alter Bridge gig yay! & the Kennel Club papers for my beautiful puppy arrived too! She's officially called Torcheney Tehya Angeni which means Lullaby Precious Spirit - & she'll be all mine.. once I pay the £12 "change of ownership" fee grrrr....

Avian Influenza

by wildliferescue @ Monday, Nov. 12, 2007 - 20:33:16

I also saw on the news earlier that Bird Flu has once again struck Norfolk which is going to result in the culling of 5000 turkeys.

My first reaction was that of worry - the poor birds - Avian Flu is highly contagious & even if they don't catch it they'll be killed anyway to manage the outbreak.

Then I saw the pictures on the tv of all the turkeys in a barn/warehouse with barely any room to move and I felt ashamed that they should be treated that way.

So because of Avian Flu they get killed early... before being fed until they're the size of labradors to feed us for Christmas... what the hell are we doing guys?

I'm not vegetarian, I've never disagreed with eating meat; it's the food chain, humans have been eating meat since the beginning... but the way these animals are treated prior to slaughter is appalling & something must be done.

So I'm sitting here contemplatively... i feel sorry for the birds but on the flipside it ends their suffering. The farmer gets compo so he doesn't lose out.

It's gonna be a busy period in work dealing with the calls...

Oil Spill - Black Sea

by wildliferescue @ Monday, Nov. 12, 2007 - 20:23:23

Guys I've just seen on the news about the oil spill off the Russian coast - I've read loads about the sailors who have died and those still missing & I feel for them, I really do, but there is no talk about the wildlife other than showing gory pictures of birds dying... they said on Sky News that the locals aren't trained to help wildlife in this sort of emergency so the likelihood is the local birds, sea lions, harbour seals... they're all going to die...

Does anybody know of any organisations that are out there helping!? The WWF? The WSPA? I've looked on their websites with no success... if I could find an organised response unit I'd be willing to offer my help!

If anybody knows of any organisation that is going to Russia to help the birds then please let me know. I feel so helpless.

Rock on the human race(!)

Thanks

My Weekend

by wildliferescue @ Sunday, Nov. 11, 2007 - 16:50:22

Apologies for the vague title, but I genuinely could not think of a better one... what a weekend! Ok, it doesn't come close to Blackpool, but it was different and quite an ego-booster if I do say so myself!

Friday... well, you've seen my blog about Friday day - falling out with my best mate, clashing with my senior manager - it wasn't a good day! The night came and my mate and I went into Cardiff. We did a crawl of several pubs to soak up the Cardiff atmosphere before moving on to Metro's, the rock club. We'd already been harassed by a strange old man asking how much pleasure we demanded from a partner... creepy... it comes to something when the "alternative" club is where I go to escape the nutters...

As soon as I stepped through the doors it felt like I'd come home - the place had been re-decorated so there were cool tribal patterns on the walls... nice! The bar staff were so so friendly, exactly as I remembered, we chatted for a while (I promised one I'd come back to show him my blue tongue after drinking a some weird cheap alcopops haha!)

About an hour later, I had the most amazing 2 minutes of my life... Metro's, who focus primarily on modern rock, played Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song, which I recognised instantly (I should, it's playing loudly most days in my car!!) Up I jump, straight to the dance floor and I totally rocked out - Gem refused to join me as she didn't know the song & it was clear that this applied to the rest of the club as there I was, on the dance floor, alone... it's lucky I'm not self-conscious!! Well, not when it comes to dancing, particularly to a great song in a club I love!!

It was blatantly obvious before long that Gem was not enjoying herself - the music was heavy metal and she, being a fan of music such as Rihanna, 50 Cent, Take That etc was struggling... cue lil miss wildlife rescuer